DEAR STAR, ANSWERS SOME REALLY TOUGH QUESTIONS.

Hi Everybuddy! It's me Star with PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY" MAGAZINE with my weekly Advice Column of DEAR STAR,. And I have been working my tiny little brain to the bone! There were some really tough questions this week!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, My little sister taunts me day and night by snatching my toys, biting my ears and she is wearing me out wanting to play all day long! I admit she's very cute butt she expects me to treat her like she's a little princess! Miss. Star, what can I do to make her calm down! Exhausted in Texas.




Dear Exhausted in Texas, You poor thing! Your story sounds very familiar in fact I think I may know this little Princess personally. So, I am going to write to CIARA right now and tell her to go easy on the Old Farts!


MADI SAYS: Dear Star, I am a glamorous Diva! I live in a Penthouse and I sleep on a king size bed with Satin Sheets! My mom says I am spoiled and now what is she supposed to sleep on? Honestly, I really don't give a Rat's butt! She's just a mom and I am a Diva! What is your opinion Miss. Star? Diva Madi.




Dear Diva Madi, Don't give it a second thought! It's time we all stood up and showed our hoomans what it's like to live like kitties and pups! So let your mom sleep on a hard floor, eat nothing butt dry cat food and water, and go potty in a box full of sand! Why, I hope she gets a rash on her bottom!!! You're a Diva and you deserve to be treated like one!


BUDDY FROM BUFFALO WRITES: Dear Star, I am having trouble keeping a girlfurrend. The last time I tried to kiss a wo-dawg, she got all rolled up in my tongue and I almost swallowed her and had to call 911! Now my pawrents won't allow me to date any more and I am very lonely and sad! Please help!





Dear Buddy, no need to give up on a girlfurrend, just date an elephant! I'd luv to see you swallow one of those! And if you're a good kisser, she'll never forget it!


HERO ASKS: Dear Star, How do I convince my hoomans that even bo-dawgs need to go to the Spa once in awhile and get a message. Also go Cat Chasing and go on holidays and car rides? Neglected in Malaysia.



Dear Neglected, Well, first you roll in some good wet mud. Then you dry out in the hot sun until you're sooo stiff you can't even walk! After that, they will be begging to take you to the Spa and on car rides. Butt as far as the cat chasing thing goes, you're a little young to be going to the "KITTY CAT CLUB" if you know what I mean?


THE-KOOL-KITTY-KREW SAYS: Dear Star, Why is it that our mom calls us everything under the sun except our names??? Confused Kitties.



Dear Confused Kitties, Well, when she does that, do you answer? If so, maybe that's the problem? Now I don't know who's more confused? You, your mom or me???


LILYBELL WRITES: Dear Star, How do I become like you when I get bigger?



Dear Lilybell, Well My Dear, you have your wardrobe down real good so after you wake up from your nappy, all you need is a good Agent and a Mentor. I can give you the name of mine. He has a funny name though, something like Im-a-mess??? I know you would really like him.



COCORUE WRITES: Dear Star, Date Night is coming up soon and I want to invite Chester. I'm sure that one date with me would seal the deal for me! And Miss. Truffles/Fudge-pants would be stale news! Time is running out so what do you think Star?




Dear Cocorue, Well I must say, you are one little persistent cup of HOT COCOA! You are a chick that knows what you want, when you want it and how to get it! I say, you go for it girlfurrend! Any wo-dawg who luvs a bo-dawg like you luv Chester is sure to come out smelling like a Chocolate Sundae with a Cherry on top!

And as for Chester, all I have to say is Chester, you got a HOT one here, so DON'T BE STUPID! Take her to the pawdy!


THREE DOXIES WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, Since I not allowed to date yet, would it be o.k. to sneak out for Twix's Date Nite? And who will goes with me? Puddles.






Dear Puddles: I think BUDDY FROM BUFFALO (now that was a tongue twister!) would be a fun date for the pawty. Butt, be sure to wear a helmet! And avoid kissing him at all costs!


CIARA WANTS TO KNOW: Dear Star, How can I get the old guy Phantom to play with me? Cute little Ciara,



Dear Cute little Ciara, Now that's easy! Just give the old guy a bottle of Geritol, a pound of prunes and wear a Carman-Electric mask. that ought to get his butt move'n!


MANGO WRITES: Dear Star, Why does the water in my swimming pool only taste good if I drink it whilst totally standing in the water?



Dear Mango, My theory is, in order for you to drink enough water to quench your thirst, you have to drink out of a swimming pool cause they don't sell water bowls that big at Pet Smart! Also, I think the chlorine is starting to give you a buzz!


SALLIE SAYS: Dear Star, My friend Alien started dating a Biker Frog. She's nice and all butt now he doesn't have time to play with me! Any advice?




Dear Sallie, If I were you, I would just be patient for now. Remember, you have to kiss a lot of Frogs before you find your Princess. And who knows? Maybe she'll give him warts!


Well Everybuddy, That's it for this weeks column. Thanks for writing and don't forget, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my passion!

Luv you all!
STAR.

DEAR STAR - EDITOR FOR PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE.

Hi Everybuddy, Hope you are having a great week! As for me, Pee-Mails for my Advice Column have been pouring in by the Zillions! So here are today's burning questions.


THE O.P. PACK FROM CHRONICLES OF WOOS WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, Any suggestions on how we can get the new little PEST (Ciara) to stop playing with our toys? Woos, Phantom and Thunder.




Dear Phantom and Thunder, the problem lies with you and not your sweet little puppy sister, Ciara!

You two are adult doggies now and it's time to give up your toys to Ciara for more grownup activities such as, getting a job as guard dogs at Target or pulling weeds from the yard and picking up sticks. Or if you just want to goof off and have fun, take a Ceramics Class or Disco Dancing Lessons. Now, doesn't that sound rewarding?



ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Yesterday I accidently, on purpose, stuck my paw in a wall outlet and I haven't been able to make my hair stay down since! What can I do to get my beautiful white hair to look like it used to?



Dear Anonymous, First of all, what kind of a HAIR BRAIN FOOL would stick their paw in a wall outlet? And what turnip truck did your mommy fall off of anyway? Hasn't she ever heard of Pup-Proof outlet covers? I have a mind to call A.P.S. on her!

As for your hair, there's good news and bad news! The bad news is, it's going to stay that way! The good news is, you can have it styled into a Mohawk and dye it green for St. Patrick's Day!



THE ARMY OF FOUR WRITES: Dear Star, How can we get one way tickets to Siberia? We live in Kansas and it's HOT AS HECK DOWN HERE! Besides, that's where our Dog-cestor's came from and we want to dig up some good old roots!


Dear ARMY OF FOUR, There are two ways to dig up roots! Tear up your mommy's trees or chew up your Family Photo Album! Trust me when I say, you do not want to go to Siberia! They don't have Internet there and the food sucks!



CHEWY FROM CHI'S IN THE CITY SAYS: Dear Star, My ears don't stand straight up like real Chihuahua's ears should and strange hoomans think I'm a Min Pin! What can I do to make my ears Pointy?





Dear Chewy, ONE WORD......STARCH! This is the only method that works and I'm not talking about Sissy Spray Starch either! Personally, I wouldn't do this to save my butt! Butt, if you don't mind a little pain, then it's well worth it!

Mix one box of Corn Starch to two cups of hot water and stir well. Your mommy will have to hold you upside down and dip your ears in the Corn Starch solution. Then stand on your head with your ears pointed to the floor for twenty four hours until dry and stiff! Repeat process after every bath!

If you are having second thoughts, that's o.k. Ears aren't everything, it's what's in your heart that counts! Good Luck!



BEATRICE FROM BOSTON WRITES: Dear Star, Okay, this is the deal! I LUV my Bling-Bling and I LUV my Champage! And I don't see a problem with that! I think I look pretty darn Classy and I feel good too! BURP! Butt, I CAN'T GET A DATE!!! Every Boy Pup I meet says I'm too HIGH MAINTENANCE and I act tipsy! Hick-up! So, what's the problem?


Dear Beatrice, Lay off the bubbles!



HUSKEE AND HERSHEY WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, How do you stop a certain Border Collie from Shedding?



Dear Huskee and Hershey, Oh, this one Sweeties, is a "no-brainer"! Just get a Buzz! And I don't mean call Beatrice!



OLIVE FROM: OLIVE SAYS: Dear Star, I have never worn clothes...I am not sure how a dress would look? Do you have any advice for me? I do like the color Olive Green though.




Dear Olive, Oh Girlfrend! I've seen you around town and you have a body that would stop a clock! So, why not jumped out of your comfort zone and wear something that says "HELLO, HELLO"!

A black leather mini skirt with a red V-Neck T-Shirt and a pink sash tied around your waist with a Rhinestone "Bone" Brooch for a little BLING, BLING would be just darling on you! Butt, whatever you do, don't go shopping with Beatrice! And go easy on the cleavage! Be sure to send me a picture in your new outfit!


Well, thanks Everybuddy for sending in your questions. Without you, I wouldn't have a job! You can ask a question by leaving a comment and I will answer it in my next "DEAR STAR," post.

And Remember, LOVE, BEAUTY AND FASHION IS MY PASSION!

Love,
Star - Editor for "PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY" MAGAZINE.

Pee-ess: Now, mommy has to get busy and catch up with Everybuddy else's blogs cause she says she can't do two jobs at once! I don't know why??? I do!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. DEAR STAR.

Today Riley and I are celebrating our 100th post! We have really enjoyed being a part of DWB and your constant and loyal friendship has meant so much to us! We love you and your mommies too!

And now for my big anouncement! I have a new job as Fashion, Beauty and Relationships Editor for "PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY" Magazine. Everyday I receive thousands of cards and letters from pups and kitties from all over the world asking me for beauty and fashion tips and advice on how to improve their relationships.

Please feel free to ask your question anytime on our blog and I will answer it in my weekly DEAR STAR POST. Hope you enjoy it!

"DEAR STAR", IS A WEEKLY COLUMN WITH ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS, BEAUTY AND FASHION.

Dear Star, We are confused! Me and my brother here, want to be models for GQ magazine but when we showed up for a photo shoot they threw us out the door! We're good look'n pups so what's the problem? Bubba and J.B. from Texas.

Dear Bubba and J.B., Actually, I think you guys are hot, but those toe nails! Yuck! Get a pedicure!

Dear Star,
I have big hair and I like it ! But I am constantly ridiculed by my friends and family and my boyfriend says he's going to leave me! They say that I am stuck in the Sixties! What do you think? Misty from Manhattan.
Dear Misty, Hmmm, well you're definitely stuck in something! Not sure what? Maybe it's time for a new look or a new boyfriend.


Dear Star, please help! I'm a four year old handsome and macho pup, but every now and then my mommy goes off the deep end and dresses me in Pink! I'm thinking about running away from home but this is the only outfit I have and it's cold outside! What should I do? From: Anonymous in Arlington, Texas.
Dear Anonymous, I say, SUCK IT UP! AND BE GLAD YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON YOUR BACK!!!


Dear Star, I am a sweet little boy kitty but my mommy complains all the time about my hair balls. This makes me sad! Benjamin in Belgum.
Dear Benjamin, Hair balls huh? Well that's just too much information! Moving right along....


William from Wyoming writes: Dear Star, I started wearing my hair in dread locks a year ago. Every since then, guys keep trying to kick my butt! What can I do to escape these bullies?

Dear William, Try moving to L.A.!

Well, that's it for this week's column. Hope to hear from you soon and remember, LOVE AND FASHION ARE MY PASSION!

Love, Star.