RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

Monday, May 3, 2010

EXCLUSIVE - WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT MANGO BY: NORWOOD IN DEAR STAR'S COLUMN.



Hi Everybuddy, It's me Star with "Pretty Kitty and Buffy Puppy Magazine". This Week's Issue is HOT, HOT, HOT!




ENTERTAINMENT:

Last Friday Night was the Premier for the new Western Flick, "WESTWARD HO!" WESTWARD WHO??? A very nervous ACTOR/PRODUCER, JACK DADDY looked quite dashing until he accidentally pooped on the Red Carpet.




FASHION TRENDS:

LORENZA created quite a scene in the Plaza when she wore this PRETTY IN PINK dress designed by: GRANDMA-DE-LORENZA.




ADVERTISEMENT:

When you are too pooped to even wag your tail, stop in your tracks and have a cup of STAR TEA. Yummy, yum, yum! Sold at all fine Pet Stores.
STAR-LICHOUS!!!




CELEBRITY SCOOP:

HERO who is often mistaken for Brad Pitt, howls: "THOSE ARE NOT MY BABIES"!!!


It was also reported by a very good source, that TWIX, HERO'S date on DATE NIGHT said HERO looks good in anything or even nothing at all! Now that must have been some date!





ADVERTISEMENT:

HI, I'M RILEY AND THERE'S NOTHING MORE REFRESHING THEN MONTY-ZOOMIE'S REVENGE. For Medicinal Use Only! Grrreat for killing squirrels by just breathing on them, flea bites and rug burn! A dab here and a dab there, well, maybe not there, will soothe your butt!


MONTY-ZOOMIE'S REVENGE - YOU WILL BECOME A NEW MAN!



DEAR STAR:




NORWOOD WRITES: Dear Star, I'm confused! Huge MANGO who lives in MASTER-CHEW-SITTS is always talking like a VALLEY GIRL! He says: "like I was totally worried" and "for sure". Maybe he thinks he's CHER staring in "VALLEY GIRL MANGO"? Don't you think he's getting weird?

Dear Norwood, Like no way! I think like MANGO is totally way cool for sure! Wait! Did you say MASTER-CHEW-SITTS? I thought you said CALIFORNIA! Like that's gross an like gag me with a spoon!





KISSA-BULL SAYS: Dear Star, We're moving to a new house and we are thinking about doing our Synchronized Tooting Routine in evewy room to rid any bad vibes or boos that might have been there before ush. Miss. Star, what do you tink? The Pittie Pack.


Dear Pittie Pack, I think that's a grrreat idea! Also, I would bring your furrend there with you just in case you run out of gas!




THUNDER FROM THE O.P. PACK SAYS: Dear Star, do you have any ideas of how I can get my sister Ciara off my Back?!!!


Dear Thunder, There's a very simple solution to your problem. Just sleep standing up!




BUSY BUTTONS WRITES: Dear Star, I'd really like to have a kitty butt mom claims she's allergic to them. How can I convince her to get me a kitty?

Dear Busy Buttons, Ask for a puppy instead or your mom will be sneezing yucky stuff all over you! And her eyes will be swollen shut and her nose will drip like a leaky faucet all down her face and yours, and that can be pretty disgusting! Do you want her to resent you for the rest of your life because she can't breathe? No, I didn't think so! Enjoy your new puppy!





LILYBELL SAYS: Dear Star, Whenever we go for a walk my brother Chewy always barks at all the cute bo-dawgs and scares them away! I'm going to be a Spinster for the rest of my life because of him! Please help!

Dear Lilybell, Chewy is just trying to protect from all those bo-dawg wimminizors! And not to worry about becomming a Spinster, I'll take care of that right now!

ROMANCE:

If you are a handsome and single bo-dawg looking for a beautiful petite, wo-dawg to be your forever-furrend, then look up Lilybell. And don't mind her brother, he's all bark and no bite! This ought get you some action!!!




Well everybuddy, that's it for this week's addition of "PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE". Please feel free to ask your question when you leave a comment on my post and I will answer it next week.

Luv,
Star. xxxxx!

Labels:

26 Comments:

Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Another excellent column Star.
So I have a question for you.
I have to go visit my cussin Sarge for about 87 years. It is a LONG trip and I hate that, butt it is even worse when I get there. Sarge is a big bully and I just don't like him at all. Do you have any advice for a way to get through this torture???? Heck, I can't even read any blogs when I'm there. It is horrible. H E L P !!

May 5, 2010 at 5:49 AM  
Blogger Nadine, Chewy and Lilibell said...

Oh Miss Star, thank you so much for that singles advertisement! If I get any interest, I'll have to muzzle Chewy so he won't scare them off, BOL!!

Chi kisses, Lilibell

May 5, 2010 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger Remington said...

You did it again little princess! Great job! Riley -- like your ad too! I'll give you a call later....I think Jack is coming to live with me....

May 5, 2010 at 7:23 AM  
Blogger hero said...

What a hot addition this week, Star... and you sent me blushing with the flattering scoop... I hope Twix did not spill too much on mate night... err I mean date night ;)

Licks, hero

May 5, 2010 at 7:43 AM  
Blogger ♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

We love your column, Star. TD says to tell you he has managed to get Ciara off his back but now she is sitting on his head.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

May 5, 2010 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Jacqueline said...

Such a fun magazine Star, you are a talented and smart beautiful girl...We love your blog, it puts a smile on our face every time we visit!...Kisses to you and Riley...xo...Calle, Halle, Sukki

May 5, 2010 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Sweets said...

Hey Star and Riley,
I found your blog through Snowy and Crystal's blog. You two are soooo cute! Mommy and I really like your blog and are sure that we will be back to learn more about you two.

Smoochies,
Sweets

May 5, 2010 at 12:27 PM  
Blogger Benny and Lily said...

You are hot, hot, hot. Your advice is so inspiring heeee
Benny & Lily

May 5, 2010 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

The wisdom of your advice only khontinues to deepen and grow!

Pawesome work again!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

May 5, 2010 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger Mochi and Mommy said...

Great job Star! :) We always love reading your column!

Mochi

May 5, 2010 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Ha ha ha, I love these! Your suggestion to Thunder to sleep standing up is my favorite!

I need to submit one of Marge's questions to you one of these days. I'd be interested in your response!

May 5, 2010 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger houndstooth said...

Another very entertaining issue!

My sister, Lilac, is always barking at 4:00 in the morning and waking us all up. Then when we come back inside from using the powder room, she gets mad that we go back to sleep. How can we all get some sleep around here?

Bunny

May 5, 2010 at 3:40 PM  
Blogger Teddy Bear said...

Great job, Star. You give the best advice, as always.:)

Love,
Teddy Bear

May 5, 2010 at 5:21 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Star!
Your column is getting better and better!
I guess I need to pay more attention to Mango's talking! Haaa!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

May 5, 2010 at 7:36 PM  
Blogger Santa and Minnie said...

Another great issue of the Pretty Kitty and Buffy Puppy Magazine. Looking forward to the next issue for some fun and humour.

May 5, 2010 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger ocmist said...

Star, if Busy Buttons only wants a Kitty Butt, maybe he could keep it somewhere away from his Mom, and only take it out when he wants to sniff it himself... then she wouldn't gave a problem!

We LOVE Mango, no matter which valley he is from, and we love your magazine, too!

May 6, 2010 at 1:00 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Dear Star and Riley.
Just when I think your assistant has produced the funniest post...she comes up with yet another. Does she buy funny pills a the local GNC?
Madi and Mom

May 6, 2010 at 5:45 AM  
Blogger Kari in WeHo said...

yet again, wonderful advice

May 6, 2010 at 2:37 PM  
Blogger 3 doxies said...

Miss Star, I am really loving da new additions you has added to your ezine. It is just way fab girlfriend. And your advice is always top notch.
Puddles
hahaha...my word verification is HYPER...hehehe!

May 6, 2010 at 2:55 PM  
Blogger K9friend said...

I wonder what Joan Rivers would say about the red carpet faux pas?

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

May 6, 2010 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger kissa-bull said...

oh no i've wrote the message twice and it wont come out boo
lets try thish again
so . . . .
we just LOVE your advice and bringing ellie to our ghostbusting toot pawty was super duper awesome. now we must ask? do we get gas masks for the humans cause we're sure ellies toots might be a wittle more potent thatn ours and well they already about die when we do our synchronize tooting.

pibble wiggles
the pittie pack

May 6, 2010 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger Mango said...

Yuh! As if! I am totally NOT from California. Sheesh!

Slobbers,
Mango

May 7, 2010 at 5:33 AM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

Oooh, you have the scoop on EVERYpuppy!
Love,
Ammy

May 7, 2010 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Maggie and Mitch said...

You are just too funny, Star! We can't decide if the advertisements or the gossip is better! You are such a gifted columnist! Keep up the great work!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

May 8, 2010 at 2:42 AM  
Blogger Matilda said...

How great, Star!
I also love your column!
Hugs
Matilda

May 9, 2010 at 12:40 AM  
Blogger Twix said...

Strange! I came back to read some of the comments and mine is missing. Hmmmm....I don't remember what I said. But I would like to know if a dog can be a 'cougar'? You know, Hero is several years younger than I am.
Give your mommy extra hugs and kisses from me. Let her know we love her and we understand. We will be praying for her friend.
Snuggles,
Twix

May 16, 2010 at 9:14 AM  

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