DEAR STAR - EDITOR FOR PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE.
Hi Everybuddy, Hope you are having a great week! As for me, Pee-Mails for my Advice Column have been pouring in by the Zillions! So here are today's burning questions.
THE O.P. PACK FROM CHRONICLES OF WOOS WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, Any suggestions on how we can get the new little PEST (Ciara) to stop playing with our toys? Woos, Phantom and Thunder.
Dear Phantom and Thunder, the problem lies with you and not your sweet little puppy sister, Ciara!
You two are adult doggies now and it's time to give up your toys to Ciara for more grownup activities such as, getting a job as guard dogs at Target or pulling weeds from the yard and picking up sticks. Or if you just want to goof off and have fun, take a Ceramics Class or Disco Dancing Lessons. Now, doesn't that sound rewarding?
ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Yesterday I accidently, on purpose, stuck my paw in a wall outlet and I haven't been able to make my hair stay down since! What can I do to get my beautiful white hair to look like it used to?
Dear Anonymous, First of all, what kind of a HAIR BRAIN FOOL would stick their paw in a wall outlet? And what turnip truck did your mommy fall off of anyway? Hasn't she ever heard of Pup-Proof outlet covers? I have a mind to call A.P.S. on her!
As for your hair, there's good news and bad news! The bad news is, it's going to stay that way! The good news is, you can have it styled into a Mohawk and dye it green for St. Patrick's Day!
THE ARMY OF FOUR WRITES: Dear Star, How can we get one way tickets to Siberia? We live in Kansas and it's HOT AS HECK DOWN HERE! Besides, that's where our Dog-cestor's came from and we want to dig up some good old roots!
Dear ARMY OF FOUR, There are two ways to dig up roots! Tear up your mommy's trees or chew up your Family Photo Album! Trust me when I say, you do not want to go to Siberia! They don't have Internet there and the food sucks!
CHEWY FROM CHI'S IN THE CITY SAYS: Dear Star, My ears don't stand straight up like real Chihuahua's ears should and strange hoomans think I'm a Min Pin! What can I do to make my ears Pointy?
Dear Chewy, ONE WORD......STARCH! This is the only method that works and I'm not talking about Sissy Spray Starch either! Personally, I wouldn't do this to save my butt! Butt, if you don't mind a little pain, then it's well worth it!
Mix one box of Corn Starch to two cups of hot water and stir well. Your mommy will have to hold you upside down and dip your ears in the Corn Starch solution. Then stand on your head with your ears pointed to the floor for twenty four hours until dry and stiff! Repeat process after every bath!
If you are having second thoughts, that's o.k. Ears aren't everything, it's what's in your heart that counts! Good Luck!
BEATRICE FROM BOSTON WRITES: Dear Star, Okay, this is the deal! I LUV my Bling-Bling and I LUV my Champage! And I don't see a problem with that! I think I look pretty darn Classy and I feel good too! BURP! Butt, I CAN'T GET A DATE!!! Every Boy Pup I meet says I'm too HIGH MAINTENANCE and I act tipsy! Hick-up! So, what's the problem?
Dear Beatrice, Lay off the bubbles!
HUSKEE AND HERSHEY WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, How do you stop a certain Border Collie from Shedding?
Dear Huskee and Hershey, Oh, this one Sweeties, is a "no-brainer"! Just get a Buzz! And I don't mean call Beatrice!
OLIVE FROM: OLIVE SAYS: Dear Star, I have never worn clothes...I am not sure how a dress would look? Do you have any advice for me? I do like the color Olive Green though.
Dear Olive, Oh Girlfrend! I've seen you around town and you have a body that would stop a clock! So, why not jumped out of your comfort zone and wear something that says "HELLO, HELLO"!
A black leather mini skirt with a red V-Neck T-Shirt and a pink sash tied around your waist with a Rhinestone "Bone" Brooch for a little BLING, BLING would be just darling on you! Butt, whatever you do, don't go shopping with Beatrice! And go easy on the cleavage! Be sure to send me a picture in your new outfit!
Well, thanks Everybuddy for sending in your questions. Without you, I wouldn't have a job! You can ask a question by leaving a comment and I will answer it in my next "DEAR STAR," post.
And Remember, LOVE, BEAUTY AND FASHION IS MY PASSION!
Star - Editor for "PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY" MAGAZINE.
Pee-ess: Now, mommy has to get busy and catch up with Everybuddy else's blogs cause she says she can't do two jobs at once! I don't know why??? I do!