DEAR STAR, ANSWERS SOME REALLY TOUGH QUESTIONS.
Hi Everybuddy! It's me Star with PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY" MAGAZINE with my weekly Advice Column of DEAR STAR,. And I have been working my tiny little brain to the bone! There were some really tough questions this week!
ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, My little sister taunts me day and night by snatching my toys, biting my ears and she is wearing me out wanting to play all day long! I admit she's very cute butt she expects me to treat her like she's a little princess! Miss. Star, what can I do to make her calm down! Exhausted in Texas.
Dear Exhausted in Texas, You poor thing! Your story sounds very familiar in fact I think I may know this little Princess personally. So, I am going to write to CIARA right now and tell her to go easy on the Old Farts!
MADI SAYS: Dear Star, I am a glamorous Diva! I live in a Penthouse and I sleep on a king size bed with Satin Sheets! My mom says I am spoiled and now what is she supposed to sleep on? Honestly, I really don't give a Rat's butt! She's just a mom and I am a Diva! What is your opinion Miss. Star? Diva Madi.
Dear Diva Madi, Don't give it a second thought! It's time we all stood up and showed our hoomans what it's like to live like kitties and pups! So let your mom sleep on a hard floor, eat nothing butt dry cat food and water, and go potty in a box full of sand! Why, I hope she gets a rash on her bottom!!! You're a Diva and you deserve to be treated like one!
BUDDY FROM BUFFALO WRITES: Dear Star, I am having trouble keeping a girlfurrend. The last time I tried to kiss a wo-dawg, she got all rolled up in my tongue and I almost swallowed her and had to call 911! Now my pawrents won't allow me to date any more and I am very lonely and sad! Please help!
Dear Buddy, no need to give up on a girlfurrend, just date an elephant! I'd luv to see you swallow one of those! And if you're a good kisser, she'll never forget it!
HERO ASKS: Dear Star, How do I convince my hoomans that even bo-dawgs need to go to the Spa once in awhile and get a message. Also go Cat Chasing and go on holidays and car rides? Neglected in Malaysia.
Dear Neglected, Well, first you roll in some good wet mud. Then you dry out in the hot sun until you're sooo stiff you can't even walk! After that, they will be begging to take you to the Spa and on car rides. Butt as far as the cat chasing thing goes, you're a little young to be going to the "KITTY CAT CLUB" if you know what I mean?
THE-KOOL-KITTY-KREW SAYS: Dear Star, Why is it that our mom calls us everything under the sun except our names??? Confused Kitties.
Dear Confused Kitties, Well, when she does that, do you answer? If so, maybe that's the problem? Now I don't know who's more confused? You, your mom or me???
LILYBELL WRITES: Dear Star, How do I become like you when I get bigger?
Dear Lilybell, Well My Dear, you have your wardrobe down real good so after you wake up from your nappy, all you need is a good Agent and a Mentor. I can give you the name of mine. He has a funny name though, something like Im-a-mess??? I know you would really like him.
COCORUE WRITES: Dear Star, Date Night is coming up soon and I want to invite Chester. I'm sure that one date with me would seal the deal for me! And Miss. Truffles/Fudge-pants would be stale news! Time is running out so what do you think Star?
Dear Cocorue, Well I must say, you are one little persistent cup of HOT COCOA! You are a chick that knows what you want, when you want it and how to get it! I say, you go for it girlfurrend! Any wo-dawg who luvs a bo-dawg like you luv Chester is sure to come out smelling like a Chocolate Sundae with a Cherry on top!
And as for Chester, all I have to say is Chester, you got a HOT one here, so DON'T BE STUPID! Take her to the pawdy!
THREE DOXIES WANT TO KNOW: Dear Star, Since I not allowed to date yet, would it be o.k. to sneak out for Twix's Date Nite? And who will goes with me? Puddles.
Dear Puddles: I think BUDDY FROM BUFFALO (now that was a tongue twister!) would be a fun date for the pawty. Butt, be sure to wear a helmet! And avoid kissing him at all costs!
CIARA WANTS TO KNOW: Dear Star, How can I get the old guy Phantom to play with me? Cute little Ciara,
Dear Cute little Ciara, Now that's easy! Just give the old guy a bottle of Geritol, a pound of prunes and wear a Carman-Electric mask. that ought to get his butt move'n!
MANGO WRITES: Dear Star, Why does the water in my swimming pool only taste good if I drink it whilst totally standing in the water?
Dear Mango, My theory is, in order for you to drink enough water to quench your thirst, you have to drink out of a swimming pool cause they don't sell water bowls that big at Pet Smart! Also, I think the chlorine is starting to give you a buzz!
SALLIE SAYS: Dear Star, My friend Alien started dating a Biker Frog. She's nice and all butt now he doesn't have time to play with me! Any advice?
Dear Sallie, If I were you, I would just be patient for now. Remember, you have to kiss a lot of Frogs before you find your Princess. And who knows? Maybe she'll give him warts!
Well Everybuddy, That's it for this weeks column. Thanks for writing and don't forget, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my passion!
Luv you all!