CALVERT FROM SCHNAUZER-TUDE SEEKS DEAR STAR'S HELP.

Dear Star, I'm a Stud butt my mommy has gone off the deep end by dressing me all Preppy like! I keep telling her that I would rather go nakid! Chicks dig me nakid! What can I do to convince her that these threads have got to go? TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES.


Dear TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES, I agree with you! Unless you are going to Harvard, I'd throw those duds in the trash! Or speaking from a Fashion Designer's point of view such as mine, I'd add a pair of jeans with holes in the knees and butt. Now, you're look'n HOT and everybuddy wins! That's what I'm talk'n about!



Thanks, Calvert! Hi Every Doggie and Kitty! It's me Star, with "Pretty Kitty And Buffy Puppy Magazine". Well furrends, this week you have really put me to the test! Your questions just get wackier and wakier! So here I am with more information then you ever wanted to know!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Me and my little Sis sleep in our pawrents bed. I'm a touchy-feely kind of pup and I luv to lay on top of mommy's head butt, she says it gives her a headache and moves me!

Then I lay on her legs and she gets all upset cause she can't get out of bed! And every time she moves, I go flying clear across the room! This really hurts my feelings and they never treat my sister that way, they let her sleep wherever she wants! Miss. Star, what advice would you give to me?



Dear Anonymous, Oh my, you poor little thing! That's just TERRIBLE! And so insensitive of your mommy! No sweet little doggy should have to take that kind of treatment and your sister sounds like a SPOILED LITTLE BRAT! My advice is to MOVE TO OREGON A.S.A.P.!!!


DORY SAYS: Dear Star, The Lhasa I like is an avid swimmer butt, I do not like the water! Do you think we could make this work?



Dear Dory, Of course Darling! First you drain all the water out of his pool, then you wear a cute Itsy-Bitsy-Yellow-Poka-Dot-Bikini butt with one top only. Then fix him a Strawberry Dogarita and I promise he'll never do the dog paddle again!



TWIX WRITES: Dear Star, I am having some hair loss issues and this really worries my mommy. I try to tell her it's no big deal, butt, she is freaking out! How do I make my hair grow back?



Dear Twix, Well, I understand that "MIRACLE GROW" works well except it grows like a weed!


MADI MEOWS: Dear Star, My mommy says that I am MOUTHY and in big trouble! What is that lady's problem? I never heard such rubbish! Who does she think she is speaking to anyway? I'm the DIVA of this house and she needs to show me more respect! Can I help it if I'm opinionated and always right? I need you to set her straight!



Dear Madi, I think I'll hand this one over to my Assistant, Mr. Anonymous. He handles all the scary ones!


FRANKIE SAYS: Dear Star, I am in engaged to two beautiful girls who happen to be sisters. I have peeed and peeed....I mean, pleaded and pleaded with them to PLEASE set a wedding date and LET ME KNOW NOW BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!! I have to rent a tux, you know?
I hate to ask them again, cause I don't want to make them cross with me. What should I do now?


Dear Frankie, One word....WORRY! I have been sniffing around myself trying to get the SCOOP and so far, all I've gotten is POOP! And I think you're in a WORLD OF IT! Have you tried texting them? As soon as I hear anything, you'll be the first to know or maybe the last, the way your luck's going!



JAZZIE WRITES: Dear Star, There's this little Westie named Molly who lives two doors down from me. She is like umm, I hate to say it, butt, SNOBBY! I want to play with her, butt she just ignores me! What can I do to make her like me?



Dear Jazzie, Stand in front of her house with a couple of real cute BoDawgs and as soon as she opens the door, walk off with them! This trick is called: I'm smarter then you SWEETIE! And, it works every time!



COCO HAS BUTT ANOTHER DOGAMITE QUESTION: Dear Star, I am in lust, err, love with someone else's Fiance. He is like Fudge Candy and I KNOW he has a roving eye! His name is Chester! How do I let him know that it's not too late for him to choose me cause he's not married yet and I don't fancy being known as the other WoDawg!




Dear Coco, He sounds like a real Lady's Man to me! And a roving eye you say, just one? Most Gigolos have two eyes, one going one way and one going the other! I'm not sure I would mess with his Fiancee especially, if she is bigger then you and that is a very strong possibility you know? Butt if you insist, I'll shoot him an email and see what I can find out.



CHESTER SAYS: Dear Star, Got your email about Coco. I may be engaged to Truffles, butt I'M NOT DEAD! So, I'm starting to have second thoughts! Another WoDawg named Godiva has feelers for me also. Butt, I have decided to put an end to this craving for chocolates! I'm locked into a chocolate pattern and I don't know what to do! Should I dye my furr blond or become a Priest? Or what about a Sheik? I could have my own Harem! Please help,! So many chocolates, so little time! I think I'm going mad!




Dear FUDGE CANDY, First of all, you could dye your hair blond cause blonds do have more fun but I don't think you're lacking in that area. Secondly, no Priesthood would have you! So I'd go with the Harem. You're on a Tootsie Roll now anyway, so why stop? I say, marry all three of them! And I hope you have better luck then Frankie with the wedding plans! Shssssh! You BoDawgs and all your women!


TWEEDLES WRITES: Dear Star, Do you make House Calls?



Dear Tweedles, Yes I do, butt do you mind if my Body Guard comes along? He goes with me everywhere! His name is Remington. I think he's a furrend of yours.



WHITNEY FROM:THREE DOXIES WRITES: Dear Star, I have a baby sister named Puddles. I think she is part Satan cause she is CRAZY!!! She wipes her butt on the floor, barks all the time at NOTHING and has no fear! Do you think I should perform an X-her-Sis-um on her and how would I go about it?





Dear Whitney, Now why would you want to do such a horrid thing like that? I see absolutely nothing wrong with Puddles! She is PERFECTLY NORMAL! In fact, she has the exact same traits that a very famous Columnist that I happen to know, has except for the BUTT WIPING! My brother does that!

Now leave her alone butt, if her head starts spinning, call a Priest immediately! And if she has Chocolate Brown furr, whatever you do, don't call Chester!


Well, Every Doggy and Kitty, it's been a blast butt now I have to get back to my Pee-mail.

Please feel free to ask me a question on my blog and I will answer it in my next Dear Star, post. And remember, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my Passion!

Luv ya lots,
Star.

DEAR STAR WITH PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE.

Hi Everybuddy, It's me Star, from PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE. My oh my! I have received so many questions this week from kitties and pups asking for my advice. So I am going to post one DEAR STAR, column today and another one early next week. I wouldn't want to leave anybuddy out and I just luuuv your questions! So fasten your seat belts cause you are in for a ride!



TESSA FROM OREGON WRITES: Dear Star, I work very hard taking care of my mommy who is disabled. Butt, when she is resting, I get very lonely and I NEED a little puppy to play and snuggle with. My mommy isn't sure she is able to care for two pups but I know that I can take care of both her and a new puppy butt, how do I convince her?




DEAR TESSA: A new pup would be nice butt, what you need is an older dog about four years old who is big and strong and can take care of both you and your mommy and the heavy work around the house. When you are pooped out, he can give your mommy foot massages and then play and snuggle up with you. He will be loyal and a good Watch Dog and he will watch over you and your mommy and keep you both safe forever!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, I luv my pawrents and my little sis but I miss my girlfurrend Tessa sooo much! All I can think about is moving to Oregon to be with her. Butt, her mommy says she is too young to get married. How can I convince her mommy that this would be a good thing?

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Not to worry, I just took care of it! You should be getting a call from Tessa's mommy any minute now. And no need to thank me, it was my PLEASURE!



MYRTLE WRITES: Dear Star, My furrend Gertie and I go to the park every Sunday and sunbathe and try to meet guys. I'm a hot chick butt Gertie is a TON OF LARD and thinks she looks good in a bikini. It's so embarrassing! And not only that, but she refuses to get a bikini wax and just look at her legs! She has no shame! At this rate, I'm never going to meet Mr. Right! How can I tell her to cover up without hurting her feelings?


DEAR MYRTLE: I'm afraid that you are the problem my dear. It's obvious that you are a prude! If you want to meet guys then you need to loosen up and take off your tops or else, you're going to end up with that flaming flamingo!


KISSA-BULL SAYS: Dear Star, Do you think synchronized toots from all of us will make Bella feel better after her heartwormy treatment? We just want her to feel better fast!


DEAR KISSA-BULL: I say get out the gas masks then toot outside! And whatever you do, don't light up a cigarette!


BAILEY FROM: MARTHA AND BAILEY WRITES: Dear Star. Whenever we are out walking, I never get to be in front! Martha always has to be first! I am the oldest and the bravest so I should first!


DEAR BAILEY, Your problem is very simple, just kick her in the bum from behind! Would she rather be first and buttless? I don't think so? So there you go, now you're first!



MANGO THE MALTESE KIDDO WRITES: Dear Star, I haven't had a chance to express my love to a beautiful girl and now I hear she has a boyfriend! And it looks like they are deeply in love! What should I do now, leave them alone or kidnap her? DESPERATE PUP IN TEXAS.


DEAR DESPERATE PUP, What a shame! Looks like she's the one that got away! Butt not to worry, cause you are a handsome little pup and you will have no trouble finding a girl to love you very soon. By the way, have you met Gertie? Just a thought. Things always work out for the best so cheer up and whatever you do, DO NOT KIDNAP HER! Her mommy will be very sad and you will get in trouble with the law!


Well Everybuddy, that's it for today. I really enjoyed answering all your questions and because of you, I luuuv my job!

Please feel free to ask me a question when you leave your comments on my post to DEAR STAR, Editor of PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE.

And remember, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my Passion!

Luv,
Star.

BEFORE AND AFTER.

Hi Everybuddy! Riley and Star here. Our furrend, Sharon is coming over butt we can't remember why?


Oh, now we remember, I feel so neckid!


If Remington sees me like this, I'm history!


Don't worry Star, mommy PROMISED she wouldn't post this on our blog.


I'll just shake this shampoo off and I'm out of here!


I keep telling you mommy, I like my hair long!


Hey lady, watch what your doing with that thing! Oh boy, I'll never live this down! Thank dogness Tessa won't see this!


Don't tell mommy butt she got the pictures out of sequence butt that's okay, cause nobuddy is going to see this anyway right?

Now that Sharon is all done with me, I'll just take a little nappy!


Riley, are you nuts? How can you fall asleep at a time like this? I'm freaking out over here!



O.K. I guess I could use a cut, I hate this mullet anyway!


She calls that a hair dryer? It's a vacuum cleaner, and she's sucking me up!


Well Riley, at least that's over, and don't tell mommy butt I do feel a whole lot better. Yea, well you don't look like a picnic table either, look at this bandanna I'm wearing!


THE END.

DEAR STAR

Hi Everybuddy, Dear Star here, and I am having a cup of tea reading all of your burning questions and I think I answer all your problems! So here goes!


SADERMAXX WRITES: Dear Star, Where can I buy a kitty Saddle?



Dear Saddermaxx, Darling, being as I'm an up and coming Fashion Designer, this one is easy! Just get you a size "C" bra. Cover your kitty's head with one cup so she can't see and then put her butt in the other cup. Make sure it's well padded. Then strap it to you waist and snap! Then take off like h---! That should cure her of riding on your back forever!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, I have a real problem, it's my little sister. She follows me around everywhere I go and she thinks she has to be right next to me all the time! It's as if we are joined at the hip! I can't even take a nappy without her laying her head on my chest! And when I try to play alone with my toys, she wants to play too! I'm a Macho Dude and I have a life and she is starting to suffocate me! Please Help!



Dear Anonymous: Don't you just hate when that happens? I have the same problem with my brother! I'm afraid that you are just going to have to live with it!


MONA FROM: MONA AND MOMMY TOO! SAYS: Dear Star, Why can't I find a fella who wants to be my fella?



Dear Mona, You just need a little lesson on Finding A Fella 101. First, get ya a hot little number and then go to a Doggy Park. As soon as you get there, act like you don't know your mommy! If you don't, she will be the Kiss Of Death! She'll say things like... now, he looks like a nice young man, I can tell by his haircut and I bet he's from money! Or... oh, that one's not for you dear, he has a tattoo! Or... I don't like his mother, she's too pushy!

So after you ditch her, check out the merchandise and when you see a real Hottie, wiggle your little butt over to him but whatever you do, don't drool! Then say... Hi Big Boy, my name is Mona. That's all there is to it! I know, cause that's how my mommy met my daddy!



LIFE WITH DOGS WANTS TO KNOW: Dear Star, Does this coat make my butt look big?



Well Honey, turn around and let me have better look. Nope! It looks really FINE to me!


MADI'S MOM ASKS: Dear Star, Madi does not like the colorful cat tunnel we gave her for her birthday. How do you make a Diva Island Princess Cat do what you want her to do?


Dear Madi's Mom, First of all, you have it backwards. You don't tell a cat what to do, she tells you what to do! Got it? And what is wrong with you woman? Why didn't you take her to the Pet Store with you and let her try out all the toys till she found one she liked? I'm sure that she would much rather preferred a motorized helicopter so she could fly around the house! Or a speed boat that she could ride in the bathtub! Take that silly thing back and buy her a trampoline!


GEORGIA FROM ATLANTA WRITES: Dear Star, I broke up with my boyfriend last night so now I'm looking for a new one. I've seen this really cute Hunk named Remington and I am just dying to meet him!
I hear you know him and I was wondering if you could fix us up?



Dear Georgia, It just so happens, that he is kind of going out with a very close friend of mine, and she said, if you so much as look at him, she will write your phone number on every SEVEN ELEVEN bathroom wall in America! I don't think I would test her if was you!



MALCOM P. FITZ, P.H.D. WRITES: Dear Star, I have had the distinct pleasure of reading your column and I have become strangely attracted to you. You are a highly intelligent woman who I would be honored to have as my wife. I am a Professor at Harvard and I might add, a very good catch. I am fifty years old, never been married and I still live with my mother. I have never had a date because women seem to think I'm boring and my mother agrees! However, my desire is that you will bring out the animal in me and accept my proposal. My hobbies are reading.


Dear Malcom, I am deeply flattered but unfortunately, I am already taken. BUTT FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL GEORGIA! 290-578-3333.


FRANKIE FURTER FROM: FRANKLY SPEAKING SAYS: Dear Star, My mommy brushes my teeth 87 times a week and then I have to have them bushed again at the Vet's! How do I make all this brushing stop?



Dear Frankie, From what you're saying, your mommy is hopeless! Next time just tell the Vet to pull all your toothies out! Problem solved! Now you may have to switch to baby food but it's really quite good! Have you ever tried Mango Banana Meatballs?

Well Everybuddy, That's it for this week's addition of DEAR STAR, See you next week and I hope to hear from you with your questions. Remember Love, Romance and Fashion are ny Passion!

Luv,
Star.

WE GOT MAIL FROM REMINGTON.

THIS IS RILEY AND STAR'S FRIENDSHIP AWARD AND IT'S FOR YOU!

Hi Everybuddy! Riley and Star here. Before we tell you about our mail from Remington, we have an award we would like to give to all our friends who have always been there for us and support us no matter how crazy we get! There are just too many friends to mention butt, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! So just take it with our love and appreciation for your friendship. Thanks and we luv ya! Riley and Star.

Yesterday mommy said; You guys got mail!


There were two cards, one for Riley and one for Star!
From our good friend, REMINGTON!

What does it say, Riley?


It says To: STAR, "HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY"!


Wow! How did he know I was Irish?



Riley, I can smell his manly scent and I'm feeling dizzy!


Now I'm feeling sick!


Thanks Rem for the beautiful cards, they mean sooo much to us! We luv ya Buddy!


Oh, and just a reminder to all our friends, you still have time to send in your questions to "DEAR STAR" I will be posting another column early next week so don't miss out on the fun!

Luv,
Star.