RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

Friday, March 19, 2010

DEAR STAR


Hi Everybuddy, Dear Star here, and I am having a cup of tea reading all of your burning questions and I think I answer all your problems! So here goes!


SADERMAXX WRITES: Dear Star, Where can I buy a kitty Saddle?



Dear Saddermaxx, Darling, being as I'm an up and coming Fashion Designer, this one is easy! Just get you a size "C" bra. Cover your kitty's head with one cup so she can't see and then put her butt in the other cup. Make sure it's well padded. Then strap it to you waist and snap! Then take off like h---! That should cure her of riding on your back forever!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, I have a real problem, it's my little sister. She follows me around everywhere I go and she thinks she has to be right next to me all the time! It's as if we are joined at the hip! I can't even take a nappy without her laying her head on my chest! And when I try to play alone with my toys, she wants to play too! I'm a Macho Dude and I have a life and she is starting to suffocate me! Please Help!




Dear Anonymous: Don't you just hate when that happens? I have the same problem with my brother! I'm afraid that you are just going to have to live with it!


MONA FROM: MONA AND MOMMY TOO! SAYS: Dear Star, Why can't I find a fella who wants to be my fella?



Dear Mona, You just need a little lesson on Finding A Fella 101. First, get ya a hot little number and then go to a Doggy Park. As soon as you get there, act like you don't know your mommy! If you don't, she will be the Kiss Of Death! She'll say things like... now, he looks like a nice young man, I can tell by his haircut and I bet he's from money! Or... oh, that one's not for you dear, he has a tattoo! Or... I don't like his mother, she's too pushy!

So after you ditch her, check out the merchandise and when you see a real Hottie, wiggle your little butt over to him but whatever you do, don't drool! Then say... Hi Big Boy, my name is Mona. That's all there is to it! I know, cause that's how my mommy met my daddy!




LIFE WITH DOGS WANTS TO KNOW: Dear Star, Does this coat make my butt look big?



Well Honey, turn around and let me have better look. Nope! It looks really FINE to me!


MADI'S MOM ASKS: Dear Star, Madi does not like the colorful cat tunnel we gave her for her birthday. How do you make a Diva Island Princess Cat do what you want her to do?


Dear Madi's Mom, First of all, you have it backwards. You don't tell a cat what to do, she tells you what to do! Got it? And what is wrong with you woman? Why didn't you take her to the Pet Store with you and let her try out all the toys till she found one she liked? I'm sure that she would much rather preferred a motorized helicopter so she could fly around the house! Or a speed boat that she could ride in the bathtub! Take that silly thing back and buy her a trampoline!


GEORGIA FROM ATLANTA WRITES: Dear Star, I broke up with my boyfriend last night so now I'm looking for a new one. I've seen this really cute Hunk named Remington and I am just dying to meet him!
I hear you know him and I was wondering if you could fix us up?



Dear Georgia, It just so happens, that he is kind of going out with a very close friend of mine, and she said, if you so much as look at him, she will write your phone number on every SEVEN ELEVEN bathroom wall in America! I don't think I would test her if was you!



MALCOM P. FITZ, P.H.D. WRITES: Dear Star, I have had the distinct pleasure of reading your column and I have become strangely attracted to you. You are a highly intelligent woman who I would be honored to have as my wife. I am a Professor at Harvard and I might add, a very good catch. I am fifty years old, never been married and I still live with my mother. I have never had a date because women seem to think I'm boring and my mother agrees! However, my desire is that you will bring out the animal in me and accept my proposal. My hobbies are reading.


Dear Malcom, I am deeply flattered but unfortunately, I am already taken. BUTT FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL GEORGIA! 290-578-3333.


FRANKIE FURTER FROM: FRANKLY SPEAKING SAYS: Dear Star, My mommy brushes my teeth 87 times a week and then I have to have them bushed again at the Vet's! How do I make all this brushing stop?



Dear Frankie, From what you're saying, your mommy is hopeless! Next time just tell the Vet to pull all your toothies out! Problem solved! Now you may have to switch to baby food but it's really quite good! Have you ever tried Mango Banana Meatballs?

Well Everybuddy, That's it for this week's addition of DEAR STAR, See you next week and I hope to hear from you with your questions. Remember Love, Romance and Fashion are ny Passion!

Luv,
Star.










Labels:

40 Comments:

Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Ha!

The things woo enkhounter during your furry important job!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra & Khousin Merdie

March 19, 2010 at 10:17 PM  
Blogger Bella the Westie said...

You look so cute drinking your tea!
We should have a tea party :)

Love, Bella.

March 20, 2010 at 2:55 AM  
Blogger Santa and Minnie said...

You did the right thing giving Dr Malcom Georgia's number. We think they are a good match :D

By the way, Aunty Diana just love your teacup and saucer. She thinks they are beautiful.

March 20, 2010 at 3:31 AM  
Blogger Teddy Bear said...

A cup of tea while writing your advice column sounds relaxing.:)

Love,
Teddy Bear

March 20, 2010 at 4:10 AM  
Blogger Abby said...

Hi, Riley & Star...

Such Great Advice...

Have you figured out who that Anonymous guy is yet??

Oh...And, I love your new Header Picture...

Abby xxxooo

March 20, 2010 at 5:02 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Star you and your assistant have FOUND YOUR CALLING!!! YOU ARE EXPERTS at advice and to top it off you ARE HILARIOUS....mom and I are lol and mol right now...I do wish she had consulted you before she bought that silly tunnnel...I would indeed love a helicopter so I could come visit you all.
As for writing Georgia's number on the 7/11 mom nearly had an accident from LOL so hard.
That was choice!!! That teach her to keep her paws of your man!!!
Madi and Mom smiling big on a Sat...
Happy Weekend,
Madi and Mom

March 20, 2010 at 6:12 AM  
Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Dear Star, I think your advice to Sadie was spot on!! The "C" cup thingy was brilliant. And if it doesn't work for a saddle.. She could always use it as a CATapault and send Momo to the neighbors. LOL LOL

March 20, 2010 at 7:05 AM  
Blogger Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Another great column Star. Watch out for the Georgia though.. She is trying to steal your Remington..

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

March 20, 2010 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Dearest Star, I have another burning question for you. I have been getting 87 questions a day concerning a wedding date. As I keep saying... I'm leaving the date and arrangements up to Ruby and Penny, butt... well all of our furends are wanting to start looking for dresses and stuff. Sooooo I was wondering if maybe you could sort of Ummmmm carefully and tactfully (beclaws we all know how conservative and tactful you are) give them a bit of a nudge to set the date and give our furends an idea of the Setting for the wedding. You know... ultra formal or garden informal. I was kind of hoping for September and an outdoor wedding where everybuddy could dress (or NOT) in a way they feel most comfortable. Butt, THEY are in charge. OK???

March 20, 2010 at 7:13 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Dear Star,
You were MADE for this job! The tea set-up, the thought that went into your answers - you're a natural! I am so impressed! When I need some advice, I will surely come on over! Great job!
Hugs xo
sammie

March 20, 2010 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Tank said...

Star - more great advice, but I do want to caution you about some unsavory characters I've seen at dog parks. I hope Mona (after she ditches her mother,) is careful about who she wiggles up to!!

March 20, 2010 at 9:47 AM  
Blogger kissa-bull said...

wont you invite ush gals to your next tea party star
teehee
pibble sugars and wee wags
the pittie pack

March 20, 2010 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger Remington said...

Another job well done my little princess! I am thankful you will not be introducing me to Georgia! I think I have the BEST there is for a "special" friend right now! Malcom better watch out -- I am bigger and younger than he is! Giving him Georgia's number was the right thing! Call me later -- my schedule isn't too bad this weekend....Big Newfie hug to you!

March 20, 2010 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Ginger Jasper said...

This gave mum and me a real laugh.. Brilliant.. Hugs GJ xx

March 20, 2010 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Benny and Lily said...

Dear Star
Why does my stepsister Lily love biting my ears?
Luv
Benny

March 20, 2010 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger Tessa the Maltese said...

Oh Star, this job is YOU!

Your portrait by your tea cup is absolutely Fantastic dear!

Hugs, Tessa

March 20, 2010 at 12:41 PM  
Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Okay I'll try not to Dance around the Post. Everybuddy wants to know when the wedding will be. I'm afraid to ask the girrrls and cause them to be cross with me. I was thinkin' since you know all this advice stuff and certainly everything there is to know about fashion... you might just sniff around the girrls a bit and see if you can get an idea about the when and where for the big day.

March 20, 2010 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Dear Star,
I have not had a chance to express my love to a beautiful girl then I heard that she already has a boyfriend. Looks like they are deeply in love!
What should I do now? Leaving them alone or kidnapping her?
Desperate pup in Texas
PeeS: Please see your previous post too

March 20, 2010 at 4:27 PM  
Blogger Oskar said...

I hope those meatballs aren't made out of our Relentlessly huge Mango friend!

March 20, 2010 at 5:24 PM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

Wow. All that beauty and wisdom in one girl! You're AWESOME, Star!
Play bows,
Zim

March 20, 2010 at 6:22 PM  
Blogger Tweedles -- that's me said...

Star
your advise is always the best!
love
tweedles

March 20, 2010 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger Twinkietinydog said...

Loved this entire post, Star! You got some great questions too. I'm thinking that Anonymous is either Fiona or Cocorue.
Twinkie

March 20, 2010 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Maggie and Mitch said...

We wonder if Mona will be posting about a new sweetie soon?!
Your advice is the best, Star!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

March 21, 2010 at 2:32 AM  
Blogger Martha and Bailey said...

Dear Star, this is turning into a full time job! You made our mum laugh out loud this morning. We now have images of Madi on a trampoline!
Your post was wonderful. We are not surprised you needed a cup of tea to get through all your questions.
Now for next week Bailey would like to ask a question:
Dear Star,
Everytime we are out walking I never get to be in front - Martha always has to be in the front and overtakes me anytime I manage to get first!
Now I have smaller legs than Martha -indeed I am a very small basset!
I am the oldest - I am the bravest - I should get to be in front!
What advice could you give me Star.
love
Bailey xxxxx

March 21, 2010 at 3:08 AM  
Blogger Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Did you 2 get any snow? We did, not to much but enough to cover the grass..

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

March 21, 2010 at 6:11 AM  
Blogger Sagira said...

Another great post, loved all the advice. I need to take the how to find a man course myself...single and ready to mingle here! haha

March 21, 2010 at 7:29 AM  
Blogger Jazzi said...

Star,
I loved your advice column. Excellent. The one for Madi's mom was funny and so true. Why is it that they buy stuff for us without even asking? Love your pink scark and bows. I am a girl that loves pink also. I have a question for you:

Dear Star,
There is a girl Westie 2 doors down from me. Her name is Molly. She is like umm... snobby. I just want to play with her but she ignores me. I have tried to be nice to her, I try to hop around and show her how good I can play. I bark softly to her, but she still turns her head. Do you have any more suggestions for me?

Baffled in IL
Jazzi

March 21, 2010 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Dear Star!
Your advices are getting more and more interesting!
I guess Dr. Malcolm has a big problem!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

March 21, 2010 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Dear Star....once again you have offered excellent advice so here I am again for more....As you will see on tomorrow's post...I'm (Madi)in trouble. It seems I've been accused of being mouthy. So 1. What does that mean...mom was to po'd with me to explain.2. do you know how I can correct this infraction...I'm a cat you see and I'm just mouthy.

Jason: Congrats to Jason on the well deserved publicity... We hope your Mom comes to NC this summer. Madi (the mouthy one) and Mom (well I want say since I'm already in trouble).

March 21, 2010 at 3:24 PM  
Blogger NORWOOD UNLEASHED said...

Dear Riley and Star
Are you sure nigel's butt doesn't look big?
norwood

March 21, 2010 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Hi Riley and Star
I would have written sooner but my MUM is lazy.
I think you are very cute and answer letters really well.
I do not have any problems right now.
I hope you don't eaither
love from
Buster

March 22, 2010 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Ruby and Penny said...

Hi Riley
You are just too funny. That Georgia better watch it.
Love Rby & Penny

March 22, 2010 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Sierra Rose said...

Hey ya Star! Great questions you had to answer! Love it when ya break out with the "well,Honey turn around and let me have a better look!!" Fabulous.

Hugs and snaggle-tooth kisses,
Sierra Rose

March 22, 2010 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger BRUTUS said...

Oh Star, you are quite the columnist these days - a reagular "Dear Abby"!! Not sure my momma would agree about your advice to Frankie (I fear she may actually have something to do with the fact he gets his toofers brushed so much)... But Mango Banana meatballs - now that sounds like a good idea!

Snorts-
Brutus the Frenchie

March 22, 2010 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Gus, Louie and Callie said...

We live about 6 miles south of Denton. They did get a bit more than we did... It sure didn't last long...

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

March 22, 2010 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Chester said...

I am impressed by your vast knowledge Star and how you always come up with the best advice. I'm afraid with so many females hot on my trail, it won't be long before I'm gonna be over here askin' for advice.

As to the purpley flowers you saw today, we call 'em bluebells. Bluebonnets or bluebells, they're probably the same thing. Mom really likes 'em cuz they are easy to grow. Easier than sewin' which by the way she has postponed that operation AGAIN! Geesh!

Woofs and wise slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

March 22, 2010 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Agatha and Archie said...

Hi litle cuties we are all caught up...MY we certainly DID NOT know that on on top of everything else that you do that you are an EXPERT advice columnist!! Really some of your answers were SPOT ON and PL2 was really laughing...but we are not sure whyshe was laughing.. they were very good answers..Love A+A

March 22, 2010 at 5:31 PM  
Blogger Dory and the Mama said...

Mama and I just can't get enough of Dear Star!! Thanks so much for sharing such great advice with us!!!

I have a question...the Lhasa I like is an avid swimmer, but I do not like the water at all....do you think we can make it work???

Thanks Star!

Smileys!
Dory

March 22, 2010 at 5:49 PM  
Blogger Nellie and Calvert said...

Hello Star!

I'd like to start out by saying that you look fantastic in your new header, as does Riley.

Just wanted to give you a heads up that Calvert has sent you an email for your column. I hope you can solve his dilema as he is driving me nuts!

Kisses
Nellie

March 25, 2010 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger My Sons Mum said...

Dear Star,
I have an elderly sister who is always bossing me around. She deaf and partly blind but snaps at me all the time. We get along well after we have eaten our NOMS but the rest of the time shes a real bitch. How do I handle her with respect?
- Major

April 19, 2010 at 2:10 PM  

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