RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

Sunday, March 28, 2010

CALVERT FROM SCHNAUZER-TUDE SEEKS DEAR STAR'S HELP.


Dear Star, I'm a Stud butt my mommy has gone off the deep end by dressing me all Preppy like! I keep telling her that I would rather go nakid! Chicks dig me nakid! What can I do to convince her that these threads have got to go? TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES.


Dear TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES, I agree with you! Unless you are going to Harvard, I'd throw those duds in the trash! Or speaking from a Fashion Designer's point of view such as mine, I'd add a pair of jeans with holes in the knees and butt. Now, you're look'n HOT and everybuddy wins! That's what I'm talk'n about!



Thanks, Calvert! Hi Every Doggie and Kitty! It's me Star, with "Pretty Kitty And Buffy Puppy Magazine". Well furrends, this week you have really put me to the test! Your questions just get wackier and wakier! So here I am with more information then you ever wanted to know!


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Me and my little Sis sleep in our pawrents bed. I'm a touchy-feely kind of pup and I luv to lay on top of mommy's head butt, she says it gives her a headache and moves me!

Then I lay on her legs and she gets all upset cause she can't get out of bed! And every time she moves, I go flying clear across the room! This really hurts my feelings and they never treat my sister that way, they let her sleep wherever she wants! Miss. Star, what advice would you give to me?



Dear Anonymous, Oh my, you poor little thing! That's just TERRIBLE! And so insensitive of your mommy! No sweet little doggy should have to take that kind of treatment and your sister sounds like a SPOILED LITTLE BRAT! My advice is to MOVE TO OREGON A.S.A.P.!!!


DORY SAYS: Dear Star, The Lhasa I like is an avid swimmer butt, I do not like the water! Do you think we could make this work?



Dear Dory, Of course Darling! First you drain all the water out of his pool, then you wear a cute Itsy-Bitsy-Yellow-Poka-Dot-Bikini butt with one top only. Then fix him a Strawberry Dogarita and I promise he'll never do the dog paddle again!



TWIX WRITES: Dear Star, I am having some hair loss issues and this really worries my mommy. I try to tell her it's no big deal, butt, she is freaking out! How do I make my hair grow back?



Dear Twix, Well, I understand that "MIRACLE GROW" works well except it grows like a weed!


MADI MEOWS: Dear Star, My mommy says that I am MOUTHY and in big trouble! What is that lady's problem? I never heard such rubbish! Who does she think she is speaking to anyway? I'm the DIVA of this house and she needs to show me more respect! Can I help it if I'm opinionated and always right? I need you to set her straight!



Dear Madi, I think I'll hand this one over to my Assistant, Mr. Anonymous. He handles all the scary ones!


FRANKIE SAYS: Dear Star, I am in engaged to two beautiful girls who happen to be sisters. I have peeed and peeed....I mean, pleaded and pleaded with them to PLEASE set a wedding date and LET ME KNOW NOW BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!! I have to rent a tux, you know?
I hate to ask them again, cause I don't want to make them cross with me. What should I do now?



Dear Frankie, One word....WORRY! I have been sniffing around myself trying to get the SCOOP and so far, all I've gotten is POOP! And I think you're in a WORLD OF IT! Have you tried texting them? As soon as I hear anything, you'll be the first to know or maybe the last, the way your luck's going!



JAZZIE WRITES: Dear Star, There's this little Westie named Molly who lives two doors down from me. She is like umm, I hate to say it, butt, SNOBBY! I want to play with her, butt she just ignores me! What can I do to make her like me?



Dear Jazzie, Stand in front of her house with a couple of real cute BoDawgs and as soon as she opens the door, walk off with them! This trick is called: I'm smarter then you SWEETIE! And, it works every time!



COCO HAS BUTT ANOTHER DOGAMITE QUESTION: Dear Star, I am in lust, err, love with someone else's Fiance. He is like Fudge Candy and I KNOW he has a roving eye! His name is Chester! How do I let him know that it's not too late for him to choose me cause he's not married yet and I don't fancy being known as the other WoDawg!




Dear Coco, He sounds like a real Lady's Man to me! And a roving eye you say, just one? Most Gigolos have two eyes, one going one way and one going the other! I'm not sure I would mess with his Fiancee especially, if she is bigger then you and that is a very strong possibility you know? Butt if you insist, I'll shoot him an email and see what I can find out.



CHESTER SAYS: Dear Star, Got your email about Coco. I may be engaged to Truffles, butt I'M NOT DEAD! So, I'm starting to have second thoughts! Another WoDawg named Godiva has feelers for me also. Butt, I have decided to put an end to this craving for chocolates! I'm locked into a chocolate pattern and I don't know what to do! Should I dye my furr blond or become a Priest? Or what about a Sheik? I could have my own Harem! Please help,! So many chocolates, so little time! I think I'm going mad!




Dear FUDGE CANDY, First of all, you could dye your hair blond cause blonds do have more fun but I don't think you're lacking in that area. Secondly, no Priesthood would have you! So I'd go with the Harem. You're on a Tootsie Roll now anyway, so why stop? I say, marry all three of them! And I hope you have better luck then Frankie with the wedding plans! Shssssh! You BoDawgs and all your women!


TWEEDLES WRITES: Dear Star, Do you make House Calls?



Dear Tweedles, Yes I do, butt do you mind if my Body Guard comes along? He goes with me everywhere! His name is Remington. I think he's a furrend of yours.



WHITNEY FROM:THREE DOXIES WRITES: Dear Star, I have a baby sister named Puddles. I think she is part Satan cause she is CRAZY!!! She wipes her butt on the floor, barks all the time at NOTHING and has no fear! Do you think I should perform an X-her-Sis-um on her and how would I go about it?





Dear Whitney, Now why would you want to do such a horrid thing like that? I see absolutely nothing wrong with Puddles! She is PERFECTLY NORMAL! In fact, she has the exact same traits that a very famous Columnist that I happen to know, has except for the BUTT WIPING! My brother does that!

Now leave her alone butt, if her head starts spinning, call a Priest immediately! And if she has Chocolate Brown furr, whatever you do, don't call Chester!



Well, Every Doggy and Kitty, it's been a blast butt now I have to get back to my Pee-mail.

Please feel free to ask me a question on my blog and I will answer it in my next Dear Star, post. And remember, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my Passion!

Luv ya lots,
Star.

Labels:

44 Comments:

Blogger Oskar said...

Great advice for Calvert. He is practically my twin you know!

March 28, 2010 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Star!
Very good job as always!
Chester sure has a big heart. Everyone could be into it!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

March 28, 2010 at 8:14 PM  
Blogger Scottie the 'Cutie' said...

Oh wow! Those are superb answers to the questions, Star! You sure did pawsome! *grins* Keep up the great work!

Scottie

March 29, 2010 at 1:35 AM  
Blogger 3 doxies said...

Ohs my goodness...I was laughing so hard I couldnts catch my breath...that is til I read my sissy's question. I'm just glad she didn't see my head spinning yesterday.
Puddles

March 29, 2010 at 5:38 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Star...we bet you have a headache from thinking so hard!!! Great answers and suggestions. Please tell your assistant she is hilarious!!!
Madi and Mom

March 29, 2010 at 5:48 AM  
Blogger Ruby and Penny said...

You are too funny Star.
Love Ruby & Penny
Pees - Frankie is not in trouble. We will love him.

March 29, 2010 at 6:42 AM  
Blogger The Rocky Creek Scotties said...

What great advice you give - we'll definitely be asking you when we need some help.

XOXO
The Rocky Creek Scotties

March 29, 2010 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger Dory and the Mama said...

Whew....Thanks so much for your paweseom advice Star. What WOULD we do without you!!

Smileys!
Dory

March 29, 2010 at 8:09 AM  
OpenID mayziegal said...

Hi Star (and Riley)! Thanks for stopping by my bloggie and wishing me a happy Gotcha Day! That made me feel very much happy! Gosh, Star, I am Most Impressed with all your advices. I will have to think real hard and let you know if I needs any.

Wiggles & Wags,
Mayzie

March 29, 2010 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Jazzi said...

Star
Thanks so much for the advice. I will show that Molly and I am off to find 2 of the hunkiest Bodawgs around, BOL wish me luck

Happy in IL
Jazzi

March 29, 2010 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Hi Star....Madi here....I could not find a response from Mr. A on your bloggie....was it supposed to be a link or something?
Respectfully submitted...(you see I'm trying here with the respectfully submitted)
Madi

March 29, 2010 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger RILEY AND STAR said...

Hi Madi,

No, Star was just making a joke! One Columnist in the family is enough!

Sorry for the confusion.

Luv,
Riley and Star.

March 29, 2010 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Ahhhh you two make enough coffee for me and mom...I need it. we had a vicious t-storm with wind and lightning and thunder come through at 1:15 am this morning..there was a tornado warning too so there was little sleep at our house after 1:15...HA!!! I take my coffee high test no condiments.
Mom

March 29, 2010 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Sequoia & Petunia said...

Hi! We love all the advice you give out. You two are so cutes!

Sequoia and Tuni

March 29, 2010 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Remington said...

MLP -- What's this with Tweedles? YES -- I BETTER be there! I have a late night at the gym tonight....see if you can call me about 10ish....later....

March 29, 2010 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Chester said...

Dear Star, I am utterly amazed at how quickly you were able to solve not only my dilemon but so many other pups and kitteh's dilemons too. The verdict is still out on that dye job but I like the idea of havin' 3 wives. And after readin'about Whitney's sister, Puddles, why not FOUR!!! (If her name is Puddles she most certainly is BROWN) This is gonna be a blast-4 wodawgs to order around and have a tussle with when I feel like it. Now to get them all to agree on a weddin' date.....
Woofs and amazin' slobbers,
Chester ;0=)

March 29, 2010 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Nice to meet you both, and what great advice! How cool that we live close! Do you ever get over to Fort Woof? It's pawsome!

March 29, 2010 at 2:24 PM  
Blogger Deborah said...

Dear Star! Your answers are absolutely pawesome! Thanks for visiting today!

March 29, 2010 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Hi Star, Thanks for trying. I guess I'll just cross my paws and hope for the best.

March 29, 2010 at 4:24 PM  
Blogger Kari in WeHo said...

I am personally a fan of the preppy look myself :)

March 29, 2010 at 5:12 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Wow - your advice column is just bustling with activity! I had no idea Frankie sought advice from you -- I hope there is not serious trouble in paradise for those two! .. er, three!

March 29, 2010 at 5:28 PM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

Star - how do you do it?!?! It's like ... it's like you know EVERYTHING! Sigh. You're so smart. And such a BABE! So... errr... here's my question. How do you feel about reddish/blond coyote-looking guys? Hmmmmm??????
Play bows,
Zim

March 29, 2010 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Twix said...

Hey Star! Thanks for answering my question! I heard Momma talking about going to the store tomorrow so I will see if I can be sneaky and add miracle grow to her list. Paws crossed it works! She is driving me crazy with her worry.
Snuggles,
Twix

March 29, 2010 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger kissa-bull said...

oh star you are THE best relationship , beuty advice lady ever to be
now i was wondering how you could help me and coco chanel
you see all our brofurs and shishters have boyfurryends and girlfurryends even tiger who just got here but me ( lucky) and coco chanel queen of the universe have had no luck
i even wore my most bewootiful dress for paws in the park this weekend and no luck
what ish your advice to land ush a handshum stud muffin oh wise one????

March 29, 2010 at 8:57 PM  
Blogger Snowy and Crystal said...

LOL we like your answers :D

Wet licks

S&C

March 30, 2010 at 12:36 AM  
Blogger BRUTUS said...

Wow star! With all the doggies needing your advice, you are going to expand from just a column to a TV show! You could be the next Oprah! So here's my question to you: why is that everyone keeps comparning me to Toothless the dragon from the new film "how to train a dragon"?? Look on our bloggie, you'll see what I mean.... I don't get it - aren't dragons all big and ugly. Plus I can't shoot fire out of my mouth or fly (at least I've never tried....)

Confused Snorts-
Brutus the Frenchie

March 30, 2010 at 6:21 AM  
Blogger Snowy and Crystal said...

R&S,

we tagged you in a game ^_^ come over to our bloggie if you wanna learn about the Rules of the game

have fun

wet licks

S&C

March 30, 2010 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Another great post full of great advice..

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

March 30, 2010 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger Bella the Westie said...

Star, what would they do without you?!
You are amazing!

Love, Bella.

March 30, 2010 at 6:05 PM  
Blogger Raising Addie said...

Keep the great advice coming!

Tag, you're it!

We have tagged you in a game at our blog!

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie, Lucie and Hailey

March 30, 2010 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger Twix said...

Hi guys! I have a quick question....what does ROTE stand for? I've seen it on blogs here and there but I have no clue what it means. Does that make me a dumb red-head?
I have a yummy treat for both of you on my blog, please stop by and pick it up!
Snuggles,
Twix

March 30, 2010 at 7:19 PM  
Blogger Twinkietinydog said...

What can I say Star! Great job, I was taking notes :) Let's see, I want to ask a question: How does one become such a skilled columnist? Were you born this way, or did your environment play a big part in this?
Twinkie

March 30, 2010 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Moco said...

Boy, you give better advice than Dear Abby.

March 30, 2010 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger Teddy Bear said...

BOL, Star. You are the BEST!:)

Love,
Teddy Bear

March 31, 2010 at 12:11 AM  
Blogger Mochi and Mommy said...

Hi Star! Your column always puts me in a great mood! Love it! :)

Mochi

March 31, 2010 at 12:52 AM  
Blogger Sagira said...

Wow, great advice as always.

ps. that first boy sure is cute!

March 31, 2010 at 4:14 PM  
Blogger Nellie and Calvert said...

Dear Star -

You are so totaly CORRECT... some jeans with some tears strategically placed would do the trick.

What a cleaver girrrrl you are... I'm sure to get lucky now! hehehe

Paws-out
Calvert
Your loyal fan

March 31, 2010 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Sage and I were laughing out loud reading your comments! Thanks for visiting our blog!

March 31, 2010 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger Sistertex said...

Hi,
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, Spacial Peepol. We would love bring friends and hope you will visti again. Gentle ear scritches!

April 1, 2010 at 5:42 AM  
Blogger Brind'Amour said...

You're just too cute!

Wiggles,
Brind'Amour

April 1, 2010 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Olive said...

HOLY Comments! Man you are popular and busy busy... Well, Star..and Riley.. hope ya'll are LOVING the weather..I am , sadly..Mom is NOT. Her allergies are just awful ..sneezing all day and well, she looks..BAD..eyes are puffy and red..poor mama.
Thanks for stopping by for GABE!

Licks from me!!

Olive

April 1, 2010 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger Ludo van Doggy said...

Good advices Star! It beed a good idea to sneak into Mum's suitcase but it beed very little and I a bit bigger than you.

Maybe yous could give me some advice on how to get Mum to take a bigger suitcase next time she goes somewhere?
~lickies, Ludo

April 2, 2010 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Tweedles -- that's me said...

Hey Pals,
Thanks for the feedback on my question.
I will make arrangements to have you come to my house , so I can discuss my questions mor thoroughly
love
tweedles

April 4, 2010 at 8:40 PM  
Blogger Tessa the Maltese said...

Dear Star,

I Got so excited that you told Riley to move to Oregon! Oh yes.

But then....

Your answer to Whitney and the butt rubbing, you said that your brother did that! You do not mean Riley do you? You have another brother right?

I am not so sure about Riley now, I mean we are not all perfect but butt rubbing???

Ah, maybe I should be seriously thinking about getting in touch with Mango the Maltese Kiddo!

I am not sure WHAT to do!!!

PLEASE let me know what I should do!!!

Tessa

April 4, 2010 at 9:40 PM  

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