CALVERT FROM SCHNAUZER-TUDE SEEKS DEAR STAR'S HELP.
Dear Star, I'm a Stud butt my mommy has gone off the deep end by dressing me all Preppy like! I keep telling her that I would rather go nakid! Chicks dig me nakid! What can I do to convince her that these threads have got to go? TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES.
Dear TOO SEXY FOR CLOTHES, I agree with you! Unless you are going to Harvard, I'd throw those duds in the trash! Or speaking from a Fashion Designer's point of view such as mine, I'd add a pair of jeans with holes in the knees and butt. Now, you're look'n HOT and everybuddy wins! That's what I'm talk'n about!
Thanks, Calvert! Hi Every Doggie and Kitty! It's me Star, with "Pretty Kitty And Buffy Puppy Magazine". Well furrends, this week you have really put me to the test! Your questions just get wackier and wakier! So here I am with more information then you ever wanted to know!
ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Me and my little Sis sleep in our pawrents bed. I'm a touchy-feely kind of pup and I luv to lay on top of mommy's head butt, she says it gives her a headache and moves me!
Then I lay on her legs and she gets all upset cause she can't get out of bed! And every time she moves, I go flying clear across the room! This really hurts my feelings and they never treat my sister that way, they let her sleep wherever she wants! Miss. Star, what advice would you give to me?
Dear Anonymous, Oh my, you poor little thing! That's just TERRIBLE! And so insensitive of your mommy! No sweet little doggy should have to take that kind of treatment and your sister sounds like a SPOILED LITTLE BRAT! My advice is to MOVE TO OREGON A.S.A.P.!!!
DORY SAYS: Dear Star, The Lhasa I like is an avid swimmer butt, I do not like the water! Do you think we could make this work?
Dear Dory, Of course Darling! First you drain all the water out of his pool, then you wear a cute Itsy-Bitsy-Yellow-Poka-Dot-Bikini butt with one top only. Then fix him a Strawberry Dogarita and I promise he'll never do the dog paddle again!
TWIX WRITES: Dear Star, I am having some hair loss issues and this really worries my mommy. I try to tell her it's no big deal, butt, she is freaking out! How do I make my hair grow back?
Dear Twix, Well, I understand that "MIRACLE GROW" works well except it grows like a weed!
MADI MEOWS: Dear Star, My mommy says that I am MOUTHY and in big trouble! What is that lady's problem? I never heard such rubbish! Who does she think she is speaking to anyway? I'm the DIVA of this house and she needs to show me more respect! Can I help it if I'm opinionated and always right? I need you to set her straight!
Dear Madi, I think I'll hand this one over to my Assistant, Mr. Anonymous. He handles all the scary ones!
FRANKIE SAYS: Dear Star, I am in engaged to two beautiful girls who happen to be sisters. I have peeed and peeed....I mean, pleaded and pleaded with them to PLEASE set a wedding date and LET ME KNOW NOW BEFORE I GO CRAZY!!! I have to rent a tux, you know?
I hate to ask them again, cause I don't want to make them cross with me. What should I do now?
Dear Frankie, One word....WORRY! I have been sniffing around myself trying to get the SCOOP and so far, all I've gotten is POOP! And I think you're in a WORLD OF IT! Have you tried texting them? As soon as I hear anything, you'll be the first to know or maybe the last, the way your luck's going!
JAZZIE WRITES: Dear Star, There's this little Westie named Molly who lives two doors down from me. She is like umm, I hate to say it, butt, SNOBBY! I want to play with her, butt she just ignores me! What can I do to make her like me?
Dear Jazzie, Stand in front of her house with a couple of real cute BoDawgs and as soon as she opens the door, walk off with them! This trick is called: I'm smarter then you SWEETIE! And, it works every time!
COCO HAS BUTT ANOTHER DOGAMITE QUESTION: Dear Star, I am in lust, err, love with someone else's Fiance. He is like Fudge Candy and I KNOW he has a roving eye! His name is Chester! How do I let him know that it's not too late for him to choose me cause he's not married yet and I don't fancy being known as the other WoDawg!
Dear Coco, He sounds like a real Lady's Man to me! And a roving eye you say, just one? Most Gigolos have two eyes, one going one way and one going the other! I'm not sure I would mess with his Fiancee especially, if she is bigger then you and that is a very strong possibility you know? Butt if you insist, I'll shoot him an email and see what I can find out.
CHESTER SAYS: Dear Star, Got your email about Coco. I may be engaged to Truffles, butt I'M NOT DEAD! So, I'm starting to have second thoughts! Another WoDawg named Godiva has feelers for me also. Butt, I have decided to put an end to this craving for chocolates! I'm locked into a chocolate pattern and I don't know what to do! Should I dye my furr blond or become a Priest? Or what about a Sheik? I could have my own Harem! Please help,! So many chocolates, so little time! I think I'm going mad!
Dear FUDGE CANDY, First of all, you could dye your hair blond cause blonds do have more fun but I don't think you're lacking in that area. Secondly, no Priesthood would have you! So I'd go with the Harem. You're on a Tootsie Roll now anyway, so why stop? I say, marry all three of them! And I hope you have better luck then Frankie with the wedding plans! Shssssh! You BoDawgs and all your women!
TWEEDLES WRITES: Dear Star, Do you make House Calls?
Dear Tweedles, Yes I do, butt do you mind if my Body Guard comes along? He goes with me everywhere! His name is Remington. I think he's a furrend of yours.
WHITNEY FROM:THREE DOXIES WRITES: Dear Star, I have a baby sister named Puddles. I think she is part Satan cause she is CRAZY!!! She wipes her butt on the floor, barks all the time at NOTHING and has no fear! Do you think I should perform an X-her-Sis-um on her and how would I go about it?
Dear Whitney, Now why would you want to do such a horrid thing like that? I see absolutely nothing wrong with Puddles! She is PERFECTLY NORMAL! In fact, she has the exact same traits that a very famous Columnist that I happen to know, has except for the BUTT WIPING! My brother does that!
Now leave her alone butt, if her head starts spinning, call a Priest immediately! And if she has Chocolate Brown furr, whatever you do, don't call Chester!
Well, Every Doggy and Kitty, it's been a blast butt now I have to get back to my Pee-mail.
Please feel free to ask me a question on my blog and I will answer it in my next Dear Star, post. And remember, Relationships, Beauty and Fashion are my Passion!
Luv ya lots,