RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

RILEY AND STAR MY MALTESE KIDS

Sunday, March 14, 2010

DEAR STAR SAYS: YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.


Hi Furry Frends, You won't believe some of the letters I have received this week for my Advice Column. Some of them are real doozies! Hope you enjoy this week's edition of DEAR STAR, Editor for PRETTY KITTY AND BUFFY PUPPY MAGAZINE.


ANONYMOUS WRITES: Dear Star, Lately I've been thinking about getting married and starting a family. I told mommy about this and she cried and said, who's going to take care of me and daddy when we're old? Your sister has a successful career now and we can't expect her to, cause that would be too selfish of us!

I don't think it's fair! I deserve a life too, ya know? I think my sister should take care of them! After all, if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be where she is today! This just isn't right! DON'T YOU AGREE WITH ME, MISS. STAR?......"Trapped in Texas"!


Dear Trapped in Texas, NOPE!!!

LORENZA SAYS: Dear Star, Is there any way I can convince my mom that I need baths more often? She says it's too cold but I don't take them outside!



Dear Lorenza, A Girly-girl like you, who never wears the same dress twice, should have at least two bubble baths a day. Also, a Full Body massage, facials and your nails polished to match your dresses! You are a FASHION DIVA and you deserve to be treated like one! I hope your mommy reads this column!


BUCKY FROM BALTIMORE WRITES: Dear Star, I don't know why, butt everybuddy makes fun of my teeth and they say I need braces! I think I look gooood and don't need braces! What do you think?

Dear Bucky, I agree with you. You don't need braces, what you need is a barbed wire fence to fix those choppers! Healthy pink gum's though.

Now this one is going to knock your collar off so hold on to your tails!
COCO WRITES" Dear Star, My 2legger and her 3legger Prince Charming, are reading your column and they are LTAO and ROTF!!! And WETTING THE FLOOR ! I keep slipping and I am getting peed off!

How do I stop them from ROTF? They look so stoooopid!!! Two big hoomans getting all tangled up, crying and laughing on the floor! Are all hoomans meant for the Assylum??? And now my little sista is ROTF and LHAO!!! I hope you can answer this before someone reports them!

Dear Coco, You'll have to excuse me for a minute, cause I'm ROTF and LMAO!!!.....Okay, I'm back. About them wetting the floor, there's not much you can do butt get a mop or make them go outside to wee-wee like they do us! And yes, some hoomans are meant for the Assylum and I know one personally, butt if I mention her name, I won't get this column written! You say your little Sista is imitating them? Now that burns my butt! I hope they do get reported!

I have a question: Where does a 3legger buy pants? Or are they custom made? Where does the zipper go and does he wear three shoes? Do you have any pictures of this 3legger? I don't think I've ever seen one before!


MADI SAYS: Dear Star, When my hooman Sister comes to visit, she brings scents of her kitty with her. This confuses me and I hiss at her cause I think there's another cat in the house butt I can't find her! Then my sister laughs at me and that makes me hiss even more! Star, this really hisses me off! What can I do to stop this?

Dear Madi, I'd spray your sister with Lysol Spray! Then I would wee-wee in her suitcase so when she goes back home, her kitty will hiss at her!


SADDIE FROM SADERMAXX WRITES: Dear Star, My kitten is always jumping on my back and taking a ride. I didn't mind when he was little but now he's getting bigger and taller then me! Got any advice?

Dear Saddie, Yes! Ride on his back! Butt, be sure to strap a saddle on him first cause kitties can climb trees and that would be one heck of a ride!....Whoohoo!


MARVIN - THE HOLLOW HOUND SAID: Dear Star, Today my Jeannie straightened her fringe too much and now her hair is sticking out all over the place! What can I do to keep her from doing this again?

Dear Marvin: Shut off the lectricity! Hoomans never learn!


KERRIE FROM KENTUCKY WHINES: Dear Star, I am dogpressed! I have been a Bridesmaid One Hundred and Seventy Seven times and never a Bride! I just don't understand it? My mommy says I am the most beautiful little doggy in the whole world! So why am I always a Bridesmaid and never a Bride?

Dear Kerrie, Try shaving your mustache!


Well, that's it for this week's addition of Dear Star. So until next time, remember: Love, Beauty and Fashion are my Passion! And if you leave your questions on my posts, I will answer them in my next Dear Star column.

Oh, Pee'sss! Thanks Coco for my reward and Lilybell for tagging us. As soon as mommy is released, she will post them.

Luv and Kisses,
Star and of course, Riley - Mr. Anonymous!

Labels:

28 Comments:

Blogger Mango said...

I think your tip to Kerrie was spot on. A girl needs to look her best, at least before the wedding.

Slobbers,
Mango

March 15, 2010 at 4:05 AM  
Blogger Frankie Furter said...

Dear Star,
My mom brushes my teefs about 87 times every week. I have one or two Greenies a week and I chew on my bones and deer antler every day. Sooooo why does my mom insist that I have to go to the VET and stay there for 87 hours and get my teefs cleaned???? I'm thinkin' it is just some sort of trick so that mom and dad can go someplace that they don't want to take me to... like PetSmart.

March 15, 2010 at 5:36 AM  
Blogger Madi and Mom said...

Star!!!! What an EXCELLENT idea Lysol...I never thought of that approach. I'll work on my spraying skills...Now let me give you an MOL...
mom was reading your answer at first she read
'spaying' instead of 'spraying'. That will teach her not to speed read.!!! Great answers today Star you are a natural advice diva!
Madi and Mom

March 15, 2010 at 5:55 AM  
Blogger Ruby and Penny said...

Star, you are too funny. Barbed wire!!!
Love Ruby & Penny

March 15, 2010 at 6:04 AM  
Blogger Remington said...

My little princess, how do you do it? You amaze me with your knowledge and wit! Super Big Newfie hug to you!

March 15, 2010 at 7:14 AM  
Blogger Cocorue said...

i can always rely on your sound advice, thankQ

and i Have reported the hoomans BUT the asylum is overcrowded at the present time so i May have to look elsewhere!

your readers/followers are sooo Lucky that you always give such kick ass advice...barb wire BOL!!!

ANSWER to your Q on my 3legger from mumster...

Mumster: " Where's their 3legger...err dadster hiding himself???? Ask them to pose the Qs to their 2legger or let their own 3legger answer.

Geeeeeez, do I HAVE to go over there to smoke HIM OUT LOL....

Well, as for my own Prince Charming, he Does NOT need specially constructed pants nor wears 3 shoes or can you imagine the trouble entailed???
His EXTRA leg is docile most of the time and keeps out of the way and only appears when the 3legger need to work. And only when he needs to work really hard!

I trust that answers your friends' Qs Coco?
Hmmmmm, your friends' 3legger May have Retired early .....that may explain their telling qs"

well, that's my 2legger's response and i hope it's satisfactory?

chikisses and i will let you rest before i pose my next question to you
coco

March 15, 2010 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Life With Dogs said...

Superb advice - and your fashion sense is second to none! Now can you tall me...does this coat make my butt look big? ;)

March 15, 2010 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Tank said...

I was fascinated with the idea of a 3legger and read Coco's comment about 3 times trying to understand. Maybe I'm not operating on all cylinders this morning cause I still don't get it. Do you?

March 15, 2010 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Asta said...

Deew Staw..I would nevew miss youw column. i wead it while having my bweakfast toast.
Thank you fow stawting my day off wight
smoochie kisses
ASTA

March 15, 2010 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

Oooh. I think that Bucky looks handsome.....
Love,
Ammy

March 15, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Tessa the Maltese said...

OMD Star you are so very GOOD at your job, you must really LOVE writing your column! Congrats!

Just wanted to let you and that handsome bro of yours that there is an AWARD for you both on my site. I sure would be honored if you would accept it!

Hugs and Kisses, Tessa

PeeSss...Riley, I wrote you a special message on my blog, just for you, you handsome Maltie pup you!

March 15, 2010 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger sadermaxx said...

Hi Star

Thanks for the great advise, by the way do you know where I can get a little kitty saddle.

March 15, 2010 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger The OP Pack said...

Star, we don't think Kerrie will be asking you any more questions:) And we too are ROTFLOAO along with Coco's humans. You are so funny, we love it.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

March 15, 2010 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Woo are furry furry talented!

WhatevFUR did these pups do without woo?

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra & Khousin Merdie

March 15, 2010 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger Maggie and Mitch said...

You are just the best advice columnist ever, Star! Your advice to Bucky was priceless!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

March 15, 2010 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger Teddy Bear said...

You give pawesome advice!:)

Love,
Teddy Bear

March 15, 2010 at 6:08 PM  
Blogger Benny and Lily said...

Oh Star you have your paws full with all this advice...BOL
Benny & Lily

March 15, 2010 at 6:37 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Star!
Thanks a lot! I am going to make sure my mom reads your advice and I hope I will get more and more baths from now on!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

March 15, 2010 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger kissa-bull said...

dear star
do you think synchronized toots from all of us will make bella feel better after her heartwormy treatment
we just want her to feel better really fast?
ok bye
pibble sugars
the houston pittie pack

March 15, 2010 at 7:34 PM  
Blogger Oskar said...

Star, you have really found your true calling. Sheer genius!

March 15, 2010 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Olive said...

OMD! I never ROFL'D so hard in MY LIFE!

You got it going on girlfriend! .... you better get a good agent :)

Licks and Tail Wags!!!

Olive

March 15, 2010 at 8:53 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Dear Star,
My assistant is going to get fired for not having visited in so long - bam! Outta da door! But first, I need her to paw that your advice column is a total riot and you are incredibly good at writing answers to people. Ones that make me ROTF and LMAO!!! (Ma had to look those up cause she wasn't exactly sure what they meant heheh - she's old...) So thanks for the joy this morning - you sure have a wonderful sense of humor as well as the knack for sound advice!
Hugs to you and your brofer,
xoxoxoxoxo Sammie

March 16, 2010 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Thor said...

Star, I did not know you had a column in that magazine. I am very impressed with your great advice. Keep the good work.
Thor

March 16, 2010 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Huskee and Hershey said...

LOL!!! We are laughing so hard and your advice is superb! Love your advice to Madi.. we bet her sister will think twice about laughing at her after she wee-wees in her suitcase! Hope she doesn't get caught red-pawed while committing the act though!!
Keep the advice coming...

March 17, 2010 at 4:38 AM  
Blogger Ludo van Doggy said...

Brilliant advice Star. Especially the one to 'anonymous'. BOL!
All that three legger stuff, I just doesn't understand peoples.
~lickies, Ludo

March 17, 2010 at 6:31 AM  
Blogger Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Awesome post Star. You are so good at giving advice...

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

March 17, 2010 at 3:23 PM  
Blogger Sagira said...

Wow, always full of great advice Star. :)

March 17, 2010 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Dear Star,
That was a sharp answer you gave to "trapped in Texas"
I can't help but express my concern about "trapped in Texas"
May I give my 2 cents advice to him.
Dear Trapped,
Don't be trapped, be the tramp, pack and go find your lady now or you'll becoming 40 year old virgin in no time. Take care Trapped.
Love ya Star

March 20, 2010 at 5:39 PM  

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